It's taken me some courage to write this blog. Mainly cause I don't want to give the impression that I don't love my kids. And because I don't ever want to give the impression that I regret having them, or anything like that. Because I do love them (maybe not always liking) and don't regret having them. So here it goes.
The last month has been hard for me. I haven't been enjoying being a mom very much. Sure, I have been so proud of Aberly going to school and overjoyed at how she is growing, changing, and making us laugh, but there are times she drives me nuts. I'm glad she is out of the house! I'm always looking for playdates for her just to keep her out of our hair. Otherwise, she constantly wants our attention, wants to play, and talks our ear off. She is exhausting. Weekends about do me in and I do my best to not snap at her or let her know how annoyed I am by her.
And then there is Emalyn. I remember joking with a friend when Aberly was a baby. She was like, "I've just accepted that pretty much from birth to 6 months sucks". And I agree. Emalyn has become a terrible napper. Just now, she has woken up from a 1/2 hour nap and won't go back to sleep. We're just listening to her cry in bed. She cannot get on any kind of routine for when she goes to sleep and wakes up (day or night), so we are having a hard time getting a feeding routine going. She still wakes up multiple times a night and rarely goes back to sleep without being fed. When she is up, she is pretty happy, but her interest to play is short lived and we have to hold her a ton. But she is super wiggly and it's hard to do anything while holding her.
As I write this, I know that she is a normal baby, but I'm on the verge of tears half the time with her. I know it's compounded by the fact that her sister is wearing me out, but I even as an "easier" baby than Aberly ever way, I feel defeated. I am tired. This morning I felt like walking zombie despite knowing I got 8 hours of sleep. I am worn out by my kids so I don't want to play with them, let alone do anything around the house. I feel like a blob. I just want to sit undisturbed for one day.
There are moments I'd give anything to be one of our kidless friends again. To be able to go anywhere on a whim. To not worry about when dinner will be, or when we need to be back from something. To be able to read or watch TV uninterrupted. To not have to fight someone eating their meal, or consider what someone will eat when we make a meal. To not have to consider when we can or can't leave due to nap time. To eat a meal in silence, or be able to talk about something relevant with my husband. To not have to pack snacks. To not have to pack anything besides my purse when leaving the house. So many "to not have to's".
I know this is a season, and I know it will pass, but until then, I am struggling. I long for the weekend to be over so I can be back at work and not with my kids. I don't know how nannies or stay at home mom's do it. I think I would go mad. Maybe when Emalyn is in pre-school, then I'll be a stay at home mom.
I know I'm not alone in this but right now I do. Everyone else seems to be swooning about their families and I'm not. They love family time. I don't. They wake up cheerful and ready to attack the day. I don't. They love playing and doing crafts with their kids. I don't.
So until this season passes, pray for me. Send me your good karma or whatever you have to send positive. Pray that Emalyn figures out how to sleep through the night longer and naps better. Tell me your horror stories of being a mom or that at some point, you feel the same way I do. Lie, it's okay. Make me feel like I'm not alone. :-)
The last month has been hard for me. I haven't been enjoying being a mom very much. Sure, I have been so proud of Aberly going to school and overjoyed at how she is growing, changing, and making us laugh, but there are times she drives me nuts. I'm glad she is out of the house! I'm always looking for playdates for her just to keep her out of our hair. Otherwise, she constantly wants our attention, wants to play, and talks our ear off. She is exhausting. Weekends about do me in and I do my best to not snap at her or let her know how annoyed I am by her.
And then there is Emalyn. I remember joking with a friend when Aberly was a baby. She was like, "I've just accepted that pretty much from birth to 6 months sucks". And I agree. Emalyn has become a terrible napper. Just now, she has woken up from a 1/2 hour nap and won't go back to sleep. We're just listening to her cry in bed. She cannot get on any kind of routine for when she goes to sleep and wakes up (day or night), so we are having a hard time getting a feeding routine going. She still wakes up multiple times a night and rarely goes back to sleep without being fed. When she is up, she is pretty happy, but her interest to play is short lived and we have to hold her a ton. But she is super wiggly and it's hard to do anything while holding her.
As I write this, I know that she is a normal baby, but I'm on the verge of tears half the time with her. I know it's compounded by the fact that her sister is wearing me out, but I even as an "easier" baby than Aberly ever way, I feel defeated. I am tired. This morning I felt like walking zombie despite knowing I got 8 hours of sleep. I am worn out by my kids so I don't want to play with them, let alone do anything around the house. I feel like a blob. I just want to sit undisturbed for one day.
There are moments I'd give anything to be one of our kidless friends again. To be able to go anywhere on a whim. To not worry about when dinner will be, or when we need to be back from something. To be able to read or watch TV uninterrupted. To not have to fight someone eating their meal, or consider what someone will eat when we make a meal. To not have to consider when we can or can't leave due to nap time. To eat a meal in silence, or be able to talk about something relevant with my husband. To not have to pack snacks. To not have to pack anything besides my purse when leaving the house. So many "to not have to's".
I know this is a season, and I know it will pass, but until then, I am struggling. I long for the weekend to be over so I can be back at work and not with my kids. I don't know how nannies or stay at home mom's do it. I think I would go mad. Maybe when Emalyn is in pre-school, then I'll be a stay at home mom.
I know I'm not alone in this but right now I do. Everyone else seems to be swooning about their families and I'm not. They love family time. I don't. They wake up cheerful and ready to attack the day. I don't. They love playing and doing crafts with their kids. I don't.
So until this season passes, pray for me. Send me your good karma or whatever you have to send positive. Pray that Emalyn figures out how to sleep through the night longer and naps better. Tell me your horror stories of being a mom or that at some point, you feel the same way I do. Lie, it's okay. Make me feel like I'm not alone. :-)
Hahahaha... this makes me feel better
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