Follow up to mommy woes

It's been 8 days since "the post" and I want to thank every mom who responded and gave me love, encouragement, support, stories, shared feelings, etc...  I felt so thought of and loved. 

Since that day, I've felt better and better and had a very good week.  I know some of that is due to being back and work and not with my kids all day long, but this weekend also went better, despite today being a rough one again with Emalyn.  We aren't sure what was going on, but she wasn't napping well again.  We suspect teeth may be on the horizon but that is just a guess.

But even with the rough day, I felt like I dealt with it a lot better; remember all the different advice and encouragement I got.  Doing my best to find a way to make the day end well, even with it being tiring and frustrating.   I remind myself that with two kids, and especially one being a needy baby, we are going to have ups and downs each day/week/month.  It is just what it is.  And it will pass, it will change, and we will get through it. 

So nothing long and flowery, but just a note to let all of you who read the last blog know that I am doing better and felt the love.  And for those of you who thought I was in serious trouble, please know I wasn't THAT bad and I'm sorry I had you worrying!

All our love... 



 

Mommy woes

It's taken me some courage to write this blog.  Mainly cause I don't want to give the impression that I don't love my kids.  And because I don't ever want to give the impression that I regret having them, or anything like that.   Because I do love them (maybe not always liking) and don't regret having them.  So here it goes.

The last month has been hard for me.  I haven't been enjoying being a mom very much.  Sure, I have been so proud of Aberly going to school and overjoyed at how she is growing, changing, and making us laugh, but there are times she drives me nuts.  I'm glad she is out of the house!  I'm always looking for playdates for her just to keep her out of our hair.  Otherwise, she constantly wants our attention, wants to play, and talks our ear off.  She is exhausting.  Weekends about do me in and I do my best to not snap at her or let her know how annoyed I am by her. 

And then there is Emalyn.  I remember joking with a friend when Aberly was a baby.  She was like, "I've just accepted that pretty much from birth to 6 months sucks".  And I agree.  Emalyn has become a terrible napper.  Just now, she has woken up from a 1/2 hour nap and won't go back to sleep.  We're just listening to her cry in bed.  She cannot get on any kind of routine for when she goes to sleep and wakes up (day or night), so we are having a hard time getting a feeding routine going.  She still wakes up multiple times a night and rarely goes back to sleep without being fed.   When she is up, she is pretty happy, but her interest to play is short lived and we have to hold her a ton.  But she is super wiggly and it's hard to do anything while holding her.

As I write this, I know that she is a normal baby, but I'm on the verge of tears half the time with her.  I know it's compounded by the fact that her sister is wearing me out, but I even as an "easier" baby than Aberly ever way, I feel defeated.  I am tired.  This morning I felt like walking zombie despite knowing I got 8 hours of sleep.  I am worn out by my kids so I don't want to play with them, let alone do anything around the house.  I feel like a blob.  I just want to sit undisturbed for one day. 

There are moments I'd give anything to be one of our kidless friends again.  To be able to go anywhere on a whim.  To not worry about when dinner will be, or when we need to be back from something.  To be able to read or watch TV uninterrupted.  To not have to fight someone eating their meal, or consider what someone will eat when we make a meal.  To not have to consider when we can or can't leave due to nap time.  To eat a meal in silence, or be able to talk about something relevant with my husband.  To not have to pack snacks.  To not have to pack anything besides my purse when leaving the house.  So many "to not have to's".

I know this is a season, and I know it will pass, but until then, I am struggling.  I long for the weekend to be over so I can be back at work and not with my kids.  I don't know how nannies or stay at home mom's do it.  I think I would go mad.  Maybe when Emalyn is in pre-school, then I'll be a stay at home mom.

I know I'm not alone in this but right now I do.  Everyone else seems to be swooning about their families and I'm not.  They love family time.  I don't.  They wake up cheerful and ready to attack the day.  I don't.  They love playing and doing crafts with their kids.  I don't.

So until this season passes, pray for me.  Send me your good karma or whatever you have to send positive.  Pray that Emalyn figures out how to sleep through the night longer and naps better.  Tell me your horror stories of being a mom or that at some point, you feel the same way I do.  Lie, it's okay.  Make me feel like I'm not alone. :-)

 Hahahaha... this makes me feel better

New realm of "Parentdom"

Tonight we are going to our first ever “Back-to-School Information Night” for parents.  Granted it’s for preschool, but still!   It makes me feel more grown up.  Not like I didn’t already consider myself "grown up", but it’s a new grown up feeling.   

We are no longer newbie parents.  It’s like we’ve become seasoned parents, or something like that.   It’s kinda weird.  I can’t totally described the feeling, but we’ve entered a new world of parentdom.  A parentdom that says, "My kid is involved in the world outside the home.  I have become immersed in the world of backpacks, packed snacks/lunches, buses, art projects, home notes, and school events.  My social life centers around my kid's friend's parents, playdates, and Facebook (cause that's how I spend time with my adult friends).   I worry more about what my kid looks like going to school each day than myself.  My life is really run by my kid, not me."

But it's a good feeling, even though a weird one.  And hey, what parent can't admit that at moments, they resent the fact that their life is run by their kids?  But in the end, it's all worth it and the rest of the time, we love our kid-run life.  Well, maybe love is too strong, but you know.