Aberly has enjoyed singing "You are my Sunshine" lately. Emalyn got a book for her birthday that is that song, so that is how she learned it. She also requested I sing it to her at night.
Tonight, Em went to bed early due to some bug she's picked up, so Aberly and I were having some time together doing puzzles and then we were going to play a board game. We sang our song again, and then I gave her a hug and a nuzzle and said, "I love you SO MUCH. I would be so sad if something ever happened to you, or Emalyn, or daddy."
She went over to get the board game while I finished up her puzzle. When she came back, she kind of huddled into the couch and was very quiet. I thought she was just being patient while I put the last few pieces in her puzzle. I looked a bit more carefully and realized she was all teared up.
I asked her what was wrong and she started to cry harder, but all the while trying to stifle her tears. I pulled her into my lap and gave her a big hug, asking her to tell me what was going on. Through a very choked up voice she finally got out that she was sad because I said how I would be sad if something bad happened. I asked her if she was sad to think about something bad happening to one of us or us being gone. That got the water works really going as she nodded her head yes.
I realized at that moment how much her ability to think had changed. It also made me realize how much she is like me; a mind that worries and wonders. One that is emotional and sensitive. I have distinct memories of being overcome with anxiety and tears when I thought about heaven was "forever" and that there would be no end. I was around 2nd or 3rd grade. My poor mom.
As I sat there hugging Aberly, I wanted to comfort her in so many ways. I wanted her to know we would keep her and Emalyn safe. That we wouldn't leave her. I told her those things. But I also wanted her to know that it was okay to think about those things and that she wasn't alone. But I was limited on how much I could say without making her worry more.
I told her that she could always talk to me and Daddy about her feelings when they were sad or scary. That even we got sad or scary thoughts. "Really, even now as a grown up?" she responded. Oh yeah. But I couldn't tell her about what.
I couldn't tell her what I worry about each and every day. About her or Emalyn being hurt or dying. That I fear that me or Colin will die unexpectedly. That anyone of us gets a deadly disease. That I consider not doing things to avoid potential injury. That I worry about dying in our next plane ride home. That something will happen to my parents or brother. That I fear for the future of our planet because of climate change. That I hurt for the already injured and dying because of climate change and war. That I still think about the afterlife and eternity. That what if there is nothing and this is it? That I get overwhelmed by existence.
How could I tell her all that? She doesn't need any more to worry about. It will come in time.
For now, I will hug her tight when the thoughts come on occasion. I know most of the time she will be okay. But if she is like me, and I know she is, there will be times when she is hit with deep thoughts and worries. Things that make her mind spin. And I'll be there. Colin and I will be there.
Tonight, Em went to bed early due to some bug she's picked up, so Aberly and I were having some time together doing puzzles and then we were going to play a board game. We sang our song again, and then I gave her a hug and a nuzzle and said, "I love you SO MUCH. I would be so sad if something ever happened to you, or Emalyn, or daddy."
She went over to get the board game while I finished up her puzzle. When she came back, she kind of huddled into the couch and was very quiet. I thought she was just being patient while I put the last few pieces in her puzzle. I looked a bit more carefully and realized she was all teared up.
I asked her what was wrong and she started to cry harder, but all the while trying to stifle her tears. I pulled her into my lap and gave her a big hug, asking her to tell me what was going on. Through a very choked up voice she finally got out that she was sad because I said how I would be sad if something bad happened. I asked her if she was sad to think about something bad happening to one of us or us being gone. That got the water works really going as she nodded her head yes.
I realized at that moment how much her ability to think had changed. It also made me realize how much she is like me; a mind that worries and wonders. One that is emotional and sensitive. I have distinct memories of being overcome with anxiety and tears when I thought about heaven was "forever" and that there would be no end. I was around 2nd or 3rd grade. My poor mom.
As I sat there hugging Aberly, I wanted to comfort her in so many ways. I wanted her to know we would keep her and Emalyn safe. That we wouldn't leave her. I told her those things. But I also wanted her to know that it was okay to think about those things and that she wasn't alone. But I was limited on how much I could say without making her worry more.
I told her that she could always talk to me and Daddy about her feelings when they were sad or scary. That even we got sad or scary thoughts. "Really, even now as a grown up?" she responded. Oh yeah. But I couldn't tell her about what.
I couldn't tell her what I worry about each and every day. About her or Emalyn being hurt or dying. That I fear that me or Colin will die unexpectedly. That anyone of us gets a deadly disease. That I consider not doing things to avoid potential injury. That I worry about dying in our next plane ride home. That something will happen to my parents or brother. That I fear for the future of our planet because of climate change. That I hurt for the already injured and dying because of climate change and war. That I still think about the afterlife and eternity. That what if there is nothing and this is it? That I get overwhelmed by existence.
How could I tell her all that? She doesn't need any more to worry about. It will come in time.
For now, I will hug her tight when the thoughts come on occasion. I know most of the time she will be okay. But if she is like me, and I know she is, there will be times when she is hit with deep thoughts and worries. Things that make her mind spin. And I'll be there. Colin and I will be there.
Wow, what a sweet and hard moment all at the same time! Isn't it amazing how young anxiety can begin? I recently gave a talk on fear and anxiety at a YL college girls group (because I'm such an expert. ha.), and one book I talked about was "A Shepherd Looks at Psalm 23" by W. Phillip Keller. He talks quite a bit on the subject, I would highly recommend it. Blessings to you and your sweet family!
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